Rules of Courtly Love
Courtly love was not in anyway like marriage in the time period or true love. It was a defined social practice that had acceptable ways to participate and clear, defined standards and precedents. Courtly Love cannot be taken lightly and is not simply a love affair. It is a serious emotional relationship that can become physical depending on how well the relationship is executed and if the rules are followed. Courtly love has many rules, the following list includes several of the more important rules of courtly love (Barber 87- 94).
1. Both participants in courtly love must be of noble status (Barber 87).
2. Both lovers may not be married to each other (they can be married to others) (Barber 87).
3. Courtly Love must be passionate (Barber 87).
4. There must be no plan to marry as a result of courtly love (Barber 87).
5. One must only partake in courtly love with one person at a time (Barber 87).
6. The female in the courtly love relationship must be considered higher and more important than the male leaving the male as the eternal servant of his lady (Barber 88).
7. Tokens of favor must be granted to the courtly lover by the lady if they succeed in satisfying their lady. These tokens can be given after a short period of time or more likely after a long period of time.
8. “Love had to be both reciprocal and freely granted on both sides” (Barber 88).
9. Questioning the generosity and attention of one’s lady or requesting too much of one’s lady is considered inappropriate for a participant in Courtly Love.
10. A Courtly Love affair must be kept somewhat secret to add excitement and avoid the scorn of the church.
Barber, Richard. The Knight and Chivalry. Rochester: Boydel & Brewer, 1995.
Courtly love was not in anyway like marriage in the time period or true love. It was a defined social practice that had acceptable ways to participate and clear, defined standards and precedents. Courtly Love cannot be taken lightly and is not simply a love affair. It is a serious emotional relationship that can become physical depending on how well the relationship is executed and if the rules are followed. Courtly love has many rules, the following list includes several of the more important rules of courtly love (Barber 87- 94).
1. Both participants in courtly love must be of noble status (Barber 87).
2. Both lovers may not be married to each other (they can be married to others) (Barber 87).
3. Courtly Love must be passionate (Barber 87).
4. There must be no plan to marry as a result of courtly love (Barber 87).
5. One must only partake in courtly love with one person at a time (Barber 87).
6. The female in the courtly love relationship must be considered higher and more important than the male leaving the male as the eternal servant of his lady (Barber 88).
7. Tokens of favor must be granted to the courtly lover by the lady if they succeed in satisfying their lady. These tokens can be given after a short period of time or more likely after a long period of time.
8. “Love had to be both reciprocal and freely granted on both sides” (Barber 88).
9. Questioning the generosity and attention of one’s lady or requesting too much of one’s lady is considered inappropriate for a participant in Courtly Love.
10. A Courtly Love affair must be kept somewhat secret to add excitement and avoid the scorn of the church.
Barber, Richard. The Knight and Chivalry. Rochester: Boydel & Brewer, 1995.